Sea of Tears
by Cassiel Darkmoon
Summary: Iruka is broken. He realizes his relationship with Naruto is gone and he gives up. Kakashi tries to help. [kakairushonen ai] Bad summary. Read if you want. Review if you want. takes place right after chapter 64. vol 8 first chapter. CHAPTER 4 IS UP!
1. Rain

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters...though I wish I did.

Pairings: maybe kakairu later...

Setting: right after chapter 64. Iruka goes back to the village and wanders into the gaveyard.

Sea of Tears

Throat closing

Tears rising

A dull ache in my chest

Memories from long ago

Flash behind my eyes

No family

No friends

No more hope left for me

The one I cared for

Doesn't want me anymore

I'm alone again

Working only to keep occupied

No purpose to life

No direction to walk

The shadows now live in my smile

The smile that once lit up for you

But you're gone

You've left me

There are other ones for you

There is no one for me

I'm alone again

I tried to reach out

Tried to pretend

But you called me out

And shattered my hopes

But it's ok

You cannot break what has already been broken

I don't want to be fixed

I've tried that before

It doesn't work...

I'm alone again.

Iruka looks up suddenly at the sound of someone clearing their throat. He was thankful for the rain that had started to fall, for it washed away the tears that were even now leaking from his dark brown eyes. He was in the graveyard. By their grave. His parents' grave. His gaze rests for a moment on the names etched into the cold stone before raising his eyes to meet those of...

Kakashi. Hatake Kakashi.

The last person on earth he wanted to see right now. But it didn't matter. His life couldn't get any worse than it already was unless Kakashi wanted to kill him. Then again, that might actually be a good thing. It sounded good at least. Especially with the way he was feeling right now.

Kakashi suppresses his shock at the state of the chunin before him. It was fairly obvious that he had been crying. He had seen Iruka mad before and even happy once...but never had he expected to see him like this. He was in a truly terrible state: soaked head to toe, mud splattered up to his knees, headband slipping into his eyes and strands of hair plastered themselves to his face and neck. But the worst of all was his eyes. Kakashi had not seen eyes like that since the last time he looked into a mirror over two years ago. The eyes that threatened to let go of everything. The hallow sadness that seemed to flow from the eyes faster than tears. What had happened? Why was Iruka this way?

Iruka didn't care anymore. With the rain, the rejection, and the eyes of the one he detested most covering him, he knelt down in front of the grave, knees squelching in the mud. Slowly, with fingers trembling, he untied his headband and placed it on top of the stone. Then reaching up again, he let down his hair, tangled ebony locks covering his eyes. Finally, his vest. He had worked so hard to earn that vest, but it all seemed pointless now.

The copy ninja was torn between horror and tenderness. Horror at what Iruka was implying by his actions-that he was either giving up being a ninja, or his life; and tenderness-the sadness in his eyes begged for relief and with his hair down and shirt plastered against him-he looked like a child. Kakashi longed for a way to comfort this poor forlorn chunin. But he knew that he could not embrace this one just yet.

"Why?"

The single word hung in the air and froze Iruka with one hand outstretched to the grave.

_Why?_

That single word, spoken with such unveiled concern caught him completely off guard. Could it be that he cared? Even if only a little...no...surely he just thought the he had lost his mind or something.

Iruka raised his eyes and tried to look behind the mask-to see what his motives where. But the mask did not move and no expression at all could be found on Kakashi's face.

"Does it matter?" he shot back, eyes dropping down to the grave once more. He couldn't stand being here with _him_ any longer. Standing up, Iruka cast Kakashi a cold glare and started to walk away.

"Just because you can't be his teacher, doesn't mean you can't be his friend." Kakashi calls after him. He didn't want Iruka to go.

Those words cut deep. They were true...weren't they? No, it wouldn't work. Naruto had other friends now...he wasn't needed. Their relationship had gone from teacher-student to almost that of brothers. But Iruka always thought of Naruto as a little brother...yeah...that had been nice while it lasted.

But as Naruto himself said: _"I'm no longer an academy student!...I'm not a kid anymore! Now...I'm a ninja! _He didn't want Iruka worrying about him; helping him...he was just being used.

It hurt.

Kakashi had asked why. Why? Why would he just give up? Well, he had known from the beginning that it wouldn't last...couldn't last. At first Naruto clung to him as his only support; only friend. But as others began to recognize him, he slowly started pushing Iruka away. Now he had finally come out and said it. His eyes had screamed defiance and his mouth spilt the rejection. And that was it. He had gone out of his way to watch over the little boy in his mind's eye, but it didn't even matter.

Kakashi hadn't helped either. Or, he helped Naruto to push him away. In a way, Iruka was angry with Kakashi for stealing Naruto away from him. But now he knew that that wasn't true. Kakashi didn't steal Naruto, he had just pointed out what he hadn't wanted to see. Naruto didn't need him anymore.

Iruka's thoughts ran in circles for a while longer before he just let is go. He turned then and looked Kakashi straight in the eyes.

"Thank you for trying...but it doesn't work that way...Besides," a ghost of a smile plays on his lips, "I don't have friends." With that, he walked off into the mist, still visible until the trees blocked him from Kakashi's sight. But before long, he just collapsed, unable to handle the depression choking him...

Kakashi was going to follow him to make sure he could at least make it home; thinking all the while of how to help. However, his plans changed the instant the chunin collapsed in the pathway.

He sighed. Well, since he didn't know where Iruka lived...he would have to take him to his place...

End of chapter one. Review if you want, flame if you want...I love fire so I don't mind. I'm just trying to vent my depression in my own way...I have plenty of ideas for the next chapter...whether I write it or not I don't know...maybe if enough people review I will.


	2. Dreams

(A/N: Sorry everyone...this update is only to fix the hundred or so errors I had... ;)

Disclaimer: I don't own Iruka or Kakashi...though I wish I did.

Pairings: kakairu almost for sure now...we'll see.

Thanks: Thank you so much Shake-it-buddy. I feel loved /. Thanks also to HatakeKakashi22 and independentsoul. All of your reviews fill my heart with joy and enable me to continue writing.

Sea of Tears

Dreaming of rain

Splashing on my face

Tracing the scar

Tears running within

Filling my heart

Tracing the scar

Scars visible on the outside

Scars visible on the inside

Seen through my trembling smile

My dreams are of you

Your haunting gaze piercing me

Will you make another scar?

But what is this?

Another scar...

But not my own

Is it yours?

Why can I see it?

Dreaming of rain

It touches your face

Tracing the scar...

In this dream, Iruka was standing in the graveyard. It was raining. It was dark. All he could see was Kakashi, standing with his back toward him. He seemed to have a light on him, making him stand out from everything else. Iruka approached him hesitantly, curiosity driving him passed his shyness. He tried to place a hand on his shoulder, but it just passed through him, like he wasn't even real. Then the rain stopped and Kakashi turned around to face Iruka, or so he thought. But no, Kakashi looked out beyond him and started to cry. That was when Iruka noticed his mask was down and his headband off. He couldn't see his features clearly…only his eyes. His eyes looked hallow and empty. The tears flowed freely for a while before Kakashi knelt down and began sobbing. Iruka knelt beside him and tried again to touch him, trying in vain to comfort the jounin…

Iruka slowly opened his eyes, which felt swollen. Sun shone in through a window above his head, falling just short of his face. He tried to reach a hand up to feel his face, but found it was trapped beneath a soft blanket. Puzzled, he sat up, instantly regretting it because of the pounding it caused to start within his skull, and freed his hands. The blanket was a deep green and softer than wool. He clutched it appreciatively and raised his dark eyes to look around. He was in a strange room in a strange, but very comfortable, bed. Similar to his own room, but different. _I'm in someone else's house!_ He thought frantically.

He looked around the room, purposely not thinking about what happened the night before; best to just concentrate on his surroundings.

The walls were bare and empty. There was a closet on the wall to his left, filled with ninja vests, shirts, and pants. _So it must be a chunin or jounin level ninja. _Then, on the wall beside the closet, he noticed masks. Anbu masks hanging on the wall and staring at him with smiling canine faces. A chill ran through Iruka. _So it's a jounin ninja's house then..._He groaned. It better not be Kakashi-sensei's house...

The need to use the restroom caused him to go against his feeling of honor. _I shouldn't snoop around in someone else's house...but...I have to go pee..._

He swung his legs over the edge of the very comfortable bed and rubbed his face. His eyes felt all scratchy and his skin stretched. _Great, I'm dehydrated too._ Sighing softly, he rose shakily to his feet, only then realizing that he wore no more than his boxers. A deep blush covered his cheeks and he grabbed at the blanket to cover himself again. _What the hell...! _

He wrapped the blanket around himself and stood up, casting a glance out the window to judge the time. That was when he noticed what was on the headboard. Two picture frames, a plant, and a clock. It was about 8:30am. _Well that answers that._ Then he looks closer at the two pictures. Both were very similar. In the first was a jounin teacher with his hands on top of two of his three students. He looked familiar, but he couldn't place it. One of the students, he noticed with a smile, had a very comical glare on his face. The kid wore a mask over his face yet his eyes showed he thought the idea of taking a picture to be absurd. Iruka almost chuckled.

Then his eyes moved to the second picture and froze. It felt like his heart had stopped. In the exact same pose was Kakashi with his three genin students Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura. Iruka groaned and placed a hand over his eyes, taking a deep breath and sitting back down on the bed.

Naruto… 

A single tear glided down his tan cheek, stopping when it hit his scar only to continue down again a moment later as the events from last night finally come back with a force. _Oh god…_His tears stopped quickly because of his dehydration and he rose to his feet and walked out of the room. Kakashi's room. He blushed again, this time from humiliation. He remembered collapsing and waking up here. That meant that Kakashi had carried him to his house. _Carried! Him! A chunin teacher! A 25 year old man!_

Iruka shook his head and walked down the hall to the next door on the left. He pushed it open slightly and peered inside, weary of traps. When nothing happened and he couldn't sense anything, he opened it a little further. Inside he found books; shelf after shelf of books and scrolls. He saw the titles of the closest ones to be Makeout Paradise and Makeout Violence. Iruka rolled his eyes. _Of course._

The next room was on the left as well and he opened the door slowly. The bathroom at last! He quickly relieved himself and left, only pausing to wash his hands and notice how clean it was. _Well at least he has good hygiene if not a clean mind. _He then returned to the bedroom and sat cross-legged on the bed, not wanting to be too nosy and look around more.

After a few minutes of him staring blankly into space and not thinking of anything besides the fact that he wanted his clothes back, Iruka heard a soft creak in the next room. Normally he would not have heard it or paid any attention to it, but he had been waiting for that exact sound.

It meant Kakashi was home.

A/N: I was going to continue this…but when I saw the length was about the same as the first chapter, I decided to stop and leave it as a cliff hanger. That and I'm dying to update to keep my reviewers happy. thank you so much again!


	3. Heart

A/N: Sorry for taking so long...I just started working and have been really busy. Anyway, as to the question of weather or not I wrote the poems in the beginnings of each chapter, the answer is yes. I wrote them. They are the essence of the story (not really). Consider them my muse and me pouring out the unedited emotion of the chapter to come. I write them off the top of my head and never change a single word. I'm glad you like them. smile

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto...but this fic is all mine. And no sticky paws on the poems!...without my permission of course.

Thanks: mini-kero: I made you cry? I didn't know I could do that...I'm sorry! hug, rhea: I'm sorry if Iruka seems too weak..he's my favorite chara too, HatakeKakashi22: eats gummi worm I said what happened to Naruto...I quoted what he said and did in ch.1. Read ch.64 of the manga online to get better details. I read it off of narutofan dot com., shake-it-buddy: greedy is good! I hope you won't be mad about the delay..., thanks also to Kaoro, R.A.Elric, and of course ruka-kun smiles (I know the chap was short...but I couldn't resist the cliff hanger effect!). Now, on with the fic!

Sea of Tears

Beating slowly

Beating quickly

Beating heart

Misunderstandings

An ocean of questions

A field of tears

Shouted words

And deflated pride

Beating slowly

Beating quickly

Beating heart

Flushed faces

Rushing blood

Flowing fast

Rising slowly

Beating slowly

Beating quickly

Beating heart

Sadness draining

Confusion drowning

Beating slowly

Beating quickly

Beating heart

Iruka had many choice words to say to Kakashi, but he found all he could do was stare. Kakashi just opened the door and froze when he saw Iruka glaring at him from his bed. Iruka opened his mouth to say something but stopped when he saw his clothes hanging over Kakashi's arm. _Dang it! If I shout at him he might not give me my clothes...that bastard... _Again he felt so helpless, even when it came to such little things. He clenched his jaw and waited for Kakashi to break the silence.

Kakashi couldn't help the smile from forming on his lips at the way Iruka looked wrapped up in the blanket. He was just thankful that his mask covered it. He was temped to hold on to Iruka's clothes as a bribing tool, but decided against it. Iruka was the type to hold a grudge for stuff like that and he was pretty scary when he got mad. So tossing the chunin his clothes, he stepped out of the room and walked down the hall to the right.

Iruka stared after Kakashi for a second before hastily donning his clothes. They were clean, warm and smelled faintly of soap. _He must have just finished washing them!_ The thought left him stunned that a jounin would go out of his way to do something like that. He shook his head and figured he would have probably done the same.

Cautiously, Iruka stepped into the hallway and looked around. The hallway to the left looked dark; same as it did before with closed doors. The hallway to the right opened up almost immediately into the living room. Peering further down the hall he could make out the kitchen, which had a wonderful smell emanating from it. He could also hear Kakashi moving about inside.

He decided to risk it a little and gingerly walked down the hall into the living room. He noticed his shoes were by the door and walked over, intending to put them on, thank Kakashi, and leave. He wasn't so lucky, however.

"Leaving so soon, Iruka-sensei?" Kakashi queried from directly behind him. Iruka whipped around, startled. Kakashi looked almost hurt and he could see tea and ramen placed on the table just behind him. And it wasn't instant ramen. _He made breakfast!...He can cook!_

Iruka had been a teacher for many years and was a fairly good ninja. He had learned very well how to look underneath the underneath and could easily sense that what Kakashi really wanted wasn't just his company. He meant to pry into Iruka's business. _Makes sense though, seeing as how I acted last night..._

Iruka's startled look melted into one of sadness. The hallow look that had encompassed his being yesterday was now just an echo. But it was still there. Kakashi was confused. But first, the breakfast he had worked hard to prepare was getting cold. Placing a gentle hand on the chunin's shoulder, Kakashi pushed him toward the table, and the food.

Even after almost a lifetime of training, Iruka couldn't stop his stomach from growling. Kakashi's eye curved up in a smile at the sound. "Please, sit down and eat something. You sound hungry." Iruka blushed. He hadn't eaten since the day before yesterday. He had been so nervous for Naruto that he couldn't eat.

As he sat down and looked at the ramen, he realized that it was very well prepared. It almost looked and smelled better than what you got at the ramen shop! Kakashi sat down opposite him and broke open his chopsticks. "Please, eat. We can save the talk until afterward." Iruka flinched slightly but nodded. He too broke his chopsticks and slowly picked up a few noodles, slurping them carefully. _Oh my goodness! This tastes way better than the ramen shop! Where did Kakashi learn to cook like this!_ He took a sip of tea. _And he makes really good tea too! Naruto would love to taste this! I should..._

Kakashi couldn't even take advantage of Iruka's shock to pull down his mask and eat without being noticed. Instead, he just watched the chunin slurp noodles. It was funny. He looked like Naruto. Then suddenly, Iruka stopped. Sadness crept into his chocolate eyes and tears welled up for a moment. _Damn. He's thinking about Naruto too. _Kakashi sighed. _I guess I'll have to shock him even more so he won't think about it and just eat._ He did spare a moment to think about why he wanted to make Iruka so happy, but pushed it aside for later. He was about to do something he had never done before...

Iruka stared at the noodles, focused only on trying to make the tears stop. He knew he was being ridiculous. Why should he be so depressed just because Naruto wants to grow up and move on? Why should he be sad? He only lost his only friend. Big deal. Not everyone had friends..and besides, who needed them? He only lost someone who was like a brother. Someone who was like a family...

"Iruka." Kakashi's voice sounded strangely clear to him. He looked up, thinking vaguely that it was strange he wasn't called sensei like usual, and froze. His eyes widened and a blush immediately flushed his face. He couldn't move. He couldn't speak. He could only stare and blush. _He...!_

"Don't think about it. Just eat, Iruka." Kakashi used all his power to stop from smiling and laughing at the look on Iruka's face. He slowly, using iron control, slurped his noodles.

_He...his mask...he...he's GORGEOUS! _The blush darkened and his mouth opened as if to say something. Nothing came out of his mouth. However, something red _did_ trickle down from his nose, though he didn't notice.

Kakashi did. And he couldn't hold back his laughter any longer. He started laughing, if a bit nervously, and scratched at the back of his head. "Do I really look like a girl?" he laughed.

"N-no! I-I.." Iruka stammered, waving his hands, only then noticing the blood. If possible, he blushed even darker as he wiped it away with his sleeve. Kakashi's smile, his laugh...to finally be able to see it was so mind blowing that Iruka couldn't think of anything else even if he wanted to. His flawless pale skin, his ripe, luscious lips slurping the noodles...his tongue licking those perfect lips...Iruka was hypnotized. _He even has beautiful teeth for crying out loud!_

Kakashi smiled again as Iruka stared at him. He quickly finished his ramen and drank his tea, putting the mask up over his grin. "Now you know why I wear the mask." He laughed. This seemed to snap Iruka out of his trance and he laughed nervously. In a vain attempt to hide his fading blush, he raised the bowl to his mouth and gulped down the last of the delicious broth. Wiping his mouth self consciously he smiled.

"Thank you, Kakashi-sensei," Iruka said, bowing slightly, "You're a really good cook." He grinned and licked his lips, still able to taste the flavor. Kakashi's eye widened a bit before curving up in a smile. Iruka could now picture perfectly his smile without the mask. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. I don't cook often." He replied.

Kakashi sighed. He had put it off as long as possible. He looked straight into the chunin's eyes, all humor gone. "Now, Iruka-sensei...we talk."

A/N: end of chapter. Dum dum DUM! Please review. It makes me soooooo happy! And without reviews...I lose my muse...so please...if you liked it, say so. Even if it's just one word or something. Thanks.


	4. Words

A/N: If I ever get a scanner, I'll scan in a bunch of pics I drew of this story. I also drew the layout of Kakashi's house...but no scanner, no art. /sigh/

Disclaimer: I don't own nothin'! (well, maybe the design of Kakashi's house but that's it...well ok...so I just modified it a little...:P)

Thanks: Ruka-kun(thank you sooo much! Your one of my best reviewers.../sniffle/ arigatou!), Paige(lol thanks for the one word review...it is appreciated), Aya(its coming its coming ;P), HatakeKakashi22(another of my fav reviewers thanks so much. /smile/), dk-joy(/gasp/ thank you so so so much! My faceone big grin), Megairl14045(eh heh heh...yeah...sorry I took so long, but I WILL continue...I love this story too much to stop!), Krows Scared (I'm glad I could stir such emotions in you...thanks so much) and Kakashidiot(EVERONE GO READ KAKASHIDIOT'S STORY "PAIN IN THE SS" I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants ).

hr 

Sea of Tears

Many things to say

So little time

I have stolen my time

I have created the perfect suicide

Please don't help me

I want your help so bad

But I cannot ask this of you

You have no reason to leave

I have no reason to stay

Please don't convince me to stay

It will make my time that much shorter

This feeling I have

This feeling you have

What does this mean?

How far will it go?

Will it make it in time?

Before I have to leave?

I have created the perfect suicide

Please don't help me

Please don't convince me to stay...

"Now tell me everything." Kakashi said in monotone. The heat of the room slowly seeped away from Iruka until he sat in a chill fog of apprehension. The room was silent as the grave except for the ticking of a clock in the kitchen. Iruka ran a hand through his ebony locks to stall for time and clear his head.

"Tell me why you want to know first." Kakashi looked at him, puzzled, but said nothing, hoping Iruka would expand the thought more.

"I don't think you'd understand what I'm going through. Why are you so intent on helping me?" Iruka looked down and his fisted hand on the table. His knuckles were white. He heard Kakashi sigh and he looked up through his lashes at the jounin.

"What I _understand_ is that your problem is involving Naruto. I am Naruto's teacher...and as for you; you are an excellent academy teacher. Your students are the future of Konoha Village. The village is my life, and I have sworn to serve and protect it. To lose you as a teacher," Kakashi paused and looked deep into Iruka's eyes, "Would hurt this village." Iruka sensed the deeper meaning behind his words but couldn't quite define it. He blushed slightly at the compliment but remained solemn. Then, sighing in resignation, he began.

"Fine, but I doubt I'll be able to express my problem in just words," he looked significantly at Kakashi, who in return raised a single pale eyebrow. He sighed again. "This is so hard to say...I...after I lost my parents I became the class clown, always seeking attention. Even when I got the attention I needed, it didn't make me any friends. After I became a chunin, I found a friend in Mizuki...or so I thought...until he betrayed the village and me. Then there was Naruto," Iruka stopped and looked at his fisted hands again, swallowing the taste of tears in his throat.

"Please tell me, Iruka," Kakashi says quietly, "I need to know." The chunin looked up briefly before dropping his chocolate eyes again.

"I feel like I've been rejected," Iruka sighed and closed his eyes, brow furrowing in frustration. "I feel like I've been used and then just left for nothing. I'm sure Naruto didn't mean to do that…but…that's how it feels to me." Now the chocolate eyes sought out another set of dark eyes.

Kakashi looked at Iruka and felt a pang of empathy. His situation was almost the same. He had felt abandoned and alone when his friends died…no. He wouldn't think about it now. He had to help Iruka.

"Iruka, you're taking this way too seriously. Naruto just wants to act independent and prove to everyone that he is strong and grown up, that he has accomplished something in life. Iruka, I think if you were to go talk to Naruto, you would see that he hasn't rejected you at all." Kakashi paused. Iruka was looking at him with a perfectly straight face. That meant these words were not getting through to him. _Damn! How am I supposed to get this stupid rejection idea out of his head!_ Kakashi thought. _Maybe if I talked to Naruto about this, he could help fix this._ _Yeah. That would work._ _But first things first._

Kakashi smiled at the chunin sitting across from him. "Iruka, you said you don't have any friends right now, right?" Iruka's eyes widened a bit before nodding shamefully. "You are a smart, dependable, and caring person, Iruka. I don't understand why you don't have any friends…unless you're the type who doesn't _want_ to get involved." Kakashi's eye accused the chunin and Iruka blushed. _Ha. I thought so. He's the kind of guy who will listen to you and maybe give advice, but never give anything of himself to others._

"Iruka, can I be your friend?" Iruka jerked and clutched the table for support. _Kakashi wants to be my friend! Why would he want to be friends with someone like me? I…I want him as a friend…I-_

"Y-yes?" the poor chunin stuttered and blushed fiercely. Kakashi pulled down his mask and gave a heart-stopping smile, rubbing the back of his head. "I just hope you don't mind having a lazy, perverted, jounin as a friend." He laughed softly.

Iruka smiled and blushed even harder. "I don't mind." He looked down to avoid Kakashi's exposed face. "I…I'm sorry…I don't know what to say. You've been so kind to me..uh…thank you, Kakashi-sensei." Kakashi rolled his eyes.

"Please don't call me sensei, Iruka. We are friends. Please don't use honorifics." Iruka's eyes glanced up to look at Kakashi to see if he was serious and then fell down again so as not to be blinded by that smile.

"Alright, Kakashi. But I really do need to leave…I have to teach at school today…"

"No you don't."

"What? Why not?" Iruka looked puzzled.

"You are staying home today and resting."

"But who'll teach my class?"

"Me."

"…" Kakashi laughed at the look on Iruka's face. It had been worth it all right.

"You can't do that! What-"

"I said I'm filling in for you today. I shouldn't be that hard, and anyway, you desperately need a day off." Kakashi glared accusingly at the chunin again. Iruka blushed again. _Why is he always right? Damn…_ Iruka sighed.

"Fine, but I'll give you my notes for the day so you can follow the outline. We'd better get going, we can't be late." This time it was Iruka would glared accusingly at Kakashi. The jounin rubbed the back of his head.

"I'll be good, _Master_ Iruka."

Iruka huffed. "Let's go," he said and then rose to leave. Kakashi followed and put a hand on Iruka's shoulder just before walking out the door.

"I'm glad you're feeling better, Iruka," he smiled and pulled his mask up.

"Yeah…"

hr 

End of chapter 4! Next chapter: Kakashi teaches Iruka's class/gasp! What will happen? DUM Dum dum!


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